Monday, August 07, 2006

If it’s not on the Internet,
it doesn’t exist,
and for a very long time I haven’t existed.
Well, I sorta existed
before the Internet came into being,
but since the Internet makes no
reference to this proposed existence,
then that whole portion of my life is
pretty much irrelevant.

All those times in my life that I had
sexual intercourse,
no matter how good it was, well,
it’s all meaningless.
And all you out there hearing this
who I have had
“For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge”…
Now calm down.
Don’t get stressed.
It’s just a matter of time before the
video footage gets on the Internet and
you won’t feel snubbed anymore.
I know there’s been allot of
search engine activity on this subject.
For the most part it has all been me.

Almost every other time I Google,
It’s my name,
then “sex”,
then “video footage”.
All this time I’ve been looking and
I’ve yet to have a hit on anything,
but I haven’t given up.
I figure it’s just a matter of time before
some woman from my past posts some
super sordid saucy cinematics on
her personal website.

Now I must admit,
I don’t recall there ever being the presence of
video equipment at any of my
past, prodigiously vast
cornucopia of coital encounters,
but that don’t mean it wasn’t going on.
I mean in today’s day and age,
you kind of expect it, right?
“Yea, but why sex?” I hear you ask.
“Why of all things visual,
would it be
sex posted on the Internet?”
Why? Because, well…
What other options do I have?
This is what I expect, cuz
you sure as fudgiola won’t
never see my name on the web associated to
anything cerebral like, say…
Ooo, yea. Right.
Like I got a chance in hell of achieving that!

No. I figure my only hope of
proving my existence via the Internet
is that time my buddy Nat
fixed me up with Paris Hilton.
Fingers crossed, I
should come to exist pretty soon.
Until then,
you can check out the quality of her
risque recording prowess by going to
WWW dot Boys-I’ve-Bonked dot Com.
There you can peruse her
one and only encounter with Natty.
Not to worry about the size of the file.
It’s a pretty darn

©05 Jack Hubbell